I couldn’t see where we were goin’ But you said you knew an’ I took your word

Currently listening to Ray LaMontagne and reading the "missed connections" section of craigslist, mmmmmmmm. (Yes, these are things I fill my free time with.) Here are a couple good ones I found...

"Raver girl at Dunkin Donuts this morning - m4w - m4w - 30 (Clark and Belmont)

watched you crossing the street this morning as I was locking up my bicycle. I went and grabbed a coffee across the street while you were in the Dunkin' Donuts. When I came out you were crossing the street and I found myself strangely attracted to your youthful club kid style: oversized kahki pants, tank top with a little skin showing, short hair, and huge yellow headphones. Mmmm. Summery."

"Passion,Love,Heart Ache - w4m - 25 (Chicago)

A- You mean everything to me. I can't wait to be in your arms.

Love,

K"

I often find myself pondering the "missed connections" in my own life, there is so much beauty in these fleeting moments. I have been reading about living your entire existence in the NOW and this in essence means you will seize every opportunity because your mind is so consumed in the moment that nothing else matters, past or future. This is such a difficult concept for me because anybody that knows me well knows that I'm such a sentimental soul and feel so deeply for the nostalgia in my life. This can be especially hard when trying to live in the here and now. Yet another thing I always feel like I'm treading against is this whole notion of not fully arriving in my relationship with Patrick because we're not in the same city, because of this I'm always looking on to that day we will be together.

Don't get me wrong, there are definitely moments in my life that I get glimpses of what it means to truely feel alive, to really embrace the NOW, these come and go in waves but I know certain things that trigger them - my 6 am bike rides to work through the empty streets of logan and wickerpark every morning, oh the peacefulness, the wind in my hair, the feeling of oneness with this beautiful city. I always feel like it's my daily communion with Chicago, it brings me so much comfort. Another one of these moments is when I'm driving (especially in the old Volvo) listening to Bob Dylan or Beatles or Belle&Sebastian with Billy, just listening, enjoying eachother and creating a movie script moment yet unaware of it. I am so grateful for the glimpses of the NOW that I so desperately need in my mind and in my life. I've been trying to control my thoughts as of late and be a spectator of them, letting them happen but not letting them control me or my emotions. It's so hard, I wonder if I'll ever get it right...

It's those flutters of missed connections, the anticipation of new ones that leave their traces on my heart in such a way that makes me long to travel more than anything to meet new people, take those connections and cultivate them into friendships, this is what excites me! That is definitely the other thing I can always rely on to live in the NOW to take advantage of those connections - TRAVEL. Oh, I miss it already, where to next......?